I want you to moan... I want you to gasp in my ear, pretending like you're trying to hide the sound, like you're trying to smother it, but I still hear it. I want your fingernails to dig into my skin and your lips to move faster and harder and deeper against mine. I want your eyes to roll back in your head and your body to push into mine, until we're sticking to each other's skin. I want to feel the heat radiating from your skin, I want to feel your muscles shake against my flesh. I want you to beg and I want you to throw your head back, shuddering for breath. I want your neck to be exposed for me to bite and your chest to be bare so it can be skin on skin, flesh on flesh. I want my legs wrapped around you, I want us to grind on each other so hard it makes your muscles clench and your jaw drop and your face to tense in ecstasy.
Has been a little bit of a mess, but I think I work better this way. I’m finally on Spring Break and out on school for a while, which I couldn’t be happier about because I need a fucking break. Even though I have a shit ton of homework that needs to be done when I get back & that I should be doing while on break… I’m going to San Diego! I’m so excited to get away from the city and hopefully be in the sun! I’m going for 4 days so that should be enough time to relax.
Lately I’ve also really been thinking about the whole nick & I situation. I guess I’m just so over feeling this way. If I’m going to be with someone or not even be with someone, just being friends with them & hook up.. I want to be respected. And I’m just not feeling that way anymore with him. I don’t know. I’m just feeling like I’m settling or just waiting around for things to change even though I know they really aren’t going to. I can feel us drifting apart more & more each day so we’ll just have to see how things are when he gets back. But I feel like I’m slowly getting back to myself. Sometimes I think I’m scared because I think that my happiness comes from him, but it doesn’t. He is still one of my best friends and but I just can’t hook up with him & keep going in circles. I can’t do it.
I love being at home with my mom & dog. I think I really needed to be home and get away from SF. I thought maybe I would see derek while I’m home but that is obviously not going to happen lol. We just play this little game of back & forth, but that’s our weird little relationship. I just need a lover. Nothing more nothing less. But for now I’m content with me :).